Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
