can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
