I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize