he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
