dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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