whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize