all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
