Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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