you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
