My sheets look like a crime scene.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
