I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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