Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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