She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
