My underwear smells like fireworks.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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