so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
