its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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