You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
