And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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