and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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