so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
