Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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