I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
