he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
