just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
