Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
