He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
