I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
