i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
