I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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