shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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