The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
