why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
