i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
