I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
