sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
