last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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