How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
