I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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