i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
