Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
