I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
