I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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