did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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