I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
