i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize