Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
