i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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