My vagina just recognized that song.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
