I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
