Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
