apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
