so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize