About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
