when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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