In the future we'll all be gay
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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