Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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