Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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