I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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