I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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