I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
As shirtless as possible
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just forgot I was standing up.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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