she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
