i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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