I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
