I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
