what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I want her autograph on my taint
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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