was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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