It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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