youre lurking in front of me
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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