I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
