I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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