So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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