yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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