i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
