somebody snuck up and got me drunk
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
