She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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